The (new) Red Room Can Bite Me.

Patchwork Couscous? Seriously?

When I was in college, I had the unfortunate sensory experience of having to learn to avoid a Tufts specialty referred to artfully on the weekly menu as “patchwork rice.” For those of you uninitiated, let me explain - Patchwork rice, as it was called, is the nasty result of unartful food recycling, and appeared in dining halls as dinner on Friday nights. Conveniently, you can make it yourself at home: simply save the leftovers from your dinner plate from Monday through Thursday. On Friday, nuke up some instant Uncle Ben's and then toss in the aforementioned scraps. Salt, pepper, lemon juice to taste. Et Viola! Patchwork Rice!

Why am I starting with such a luscious recipe?

Because I was served patchwork couscous at the Red Room. And it was not good. I never would have thought that the lunch ladies at Tufts (hey chickie chickie... ya wanna chickie chickie?) could one-up the new chef (my Pittsburgh food-crush, Kevin Sousa, has moved on to a new project) at The Red Room, but when it comes to the side dish served to me from the new, as-yet unpublished menu (more on that in a sec), along with my overcooked seared Ahi and 4 mushrooms (yup, count 'em, four)... well, the ladies in hairnets may have won that one.

So, here's how it went down:

I made a reservation for the Red Room as I was doing a little entertaining for work, since previously it was my favorite restaurant here in the burgh. We arrived at 6:30 p.m. Despite the fact that the dining room was near-empty (two other tables were seated) and the entire bar area was empty, we waited to be seated. Once seated, the hostess/waitress explained that “there are many new changes to the menu” but did not share (although when I saw the food I new it at once) that there is a new chef. She then rattled off essentially that the ENTIRE menu was changed or unavailable. Well, except for the Wagyu. Being that they had only 2 appetizers that they were actually serving, I asked if we could order off the happy hour app menu - and was told, rudely, that, “oh no. We never serve happy hour food in the dining room...” Only, since this is Pittsburgh, she went on her litany of explanations for over a minute, pretending to apologize. I'm a true northerner. Just say, “no. sorry.” and in two words, we're all happy.

But I digress.

We basically had no idea what we were ordering, since the entire menu has “been updated” (that's bullshit-speak for “our chef quit”) but they've not bothered to just print a new one. So, I bought the tuna, since that sounded like a safe choice, and the waitress made no reference to the fact that the entire preparation had changed until after I ordered it.

Here's what I was served:

a 6oz piece of overcooked tuna. This was fine. I ordered it “very raw” since that is how I like it. It was simply seasoned (s&p) and then seared to medium doneness. very dry on the outside. fine but boring, and I could have made it better myself at home. I was annoyed to have paid about $29 for it.

on a bed of the aforementioned patchwork couscous: This was a mistake. Firstly, the couscous was heavy, clumpy, and oily. I make couscous at home all of the time, because I am extremely tired and lazy. So when I go out, I have very little (read: zero) respect for when a chef would serve it to me for money. But at least when I make it (which takes five minutes and no talent whatsoever), I make it properly. At the Red Room, it was mixed with pieces of dried apricot, thin slices of asparagus spears (which were overdone and sulfury), salt, pepper, too much olive oil (!!), and SEAWEED. This was bad. I get the allusion to the sea in using seaweed with a fish dish, but it was a horrid pairing with the apricot-sulfur-citrus (lemon zest, I think, but am unsure) vaguely north-African reference of the couscous.

garnished with FOUR mushrooms. I like mushrooms at baseline. But these tasted like they'd been poached in sesame oil, and since sesame oil is so fragrant and overpowering, it sort of displaced whatever the natural flavor of the mushrooms might've been with the strong perfume of sesame seeds. Which, again, is an ingredient that I like, but not at this volume and, to my palate, not in this dish. It lent nothing and was not synergistic.

summary of the Tuna entrée: vague ideas of the classic Japanese-style pairing of tuna with seaweed and sesame got lost in the nod to badly done Moroccan couscous. Fish was tough and fishy from overcooking, asparagus drowned in its own sulfury over denatured stink, and the couscous looked and tasted like leftovers in my college caf.

Then we ordered dessert. There were three options. My husband got the chocolate bread pudding. I love chocolate. No lie. I actually LOVE it. But, like everything that matters to me, I can be kinda picky about it. So I'll leave you with this thought: it was bland, rubbery, and seemingly microwaved with a distinct spongy eggy-ness that readily staved off any remote desire I might have had for a second bite. At least I'll remain slimmer for another day.

the new Red Room breaks my heart. Boring food with mediocre preparation served by a confused waitstaff (I am wondering if my beloved server, Jim, disappeared with the prior chef?) doesn't engender customer loyalty. Especially at these prices. Especially in Pittsburgh.

Dinner for three, drinks, and two desserts, no apps, came to $164.

Up and Down and Patience

I recently learned that the chef of my up-til-now favorite burgh restaurant has moved on. While I am thrilled to know that Kevin Sousa has begun the process of branching out on his own (and I very much look forward to checking out this new endeavor), I am also kinda bummed out.

So, dear friendly readers and those who've noticed that I haven't had much to say recently, please know that more is coming. My first comment (I really am writing it, I swear...) will be a review of the new Red Room. Suffice it to say, I ate there last night and immediately noticed the lack of stellar service, that the food has become quite average and lacking in creativity (albeit well prepared), and that the dining room was... well... empty.

One for Bambi (or... Famous Dave's!)

It has recently come to my attention, that when I talk with my friends from home about my experiences in Pittsburgh, particularly when discussing my culinary and fashion adventures, that I can turn a bit... snarky. So, just to prove that I am not eternally nasty (and perhaps thus give some credence to the negative things I do say) I will take a cue from Bambi.

I had previously thought it was Bambi's mother, but perhaps it was Thumper, who said, "if you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all."

All double-negatives aside, I think at times there may be some value in that concept.

Just not as a blogging food critic. Nontheless, here's something nice for ya.

Famous Dave's.

Seriously. I would say that, to date, the dinner I enjoyed at Famous Dave's was, arguably, the best (I think it comes in a short second to The Red Room, actually, but more on that later...) that I've enjoyed in Pittsburgh.

I had never seen a Famous Dave's before my arrival in the Steel City, and from what I have observed, it seems to be a small local chain. The restaurant branch which I visited was in the Waterworks shopping complex, in Fox Chapel near the UPMC St. Margaret Hospital. I found myself in the neighborhood, later than anticipated, with one very mean and headachy husband (who had gotten quite hungry while he kindly and patiently found me a pink and purple tennis racket with a 4.25 in. grip for only $25! I call my racket "my little pony" now...) So, to Famous Dave's we went, since it was the closest edible-looking thing.

and

it was good.

actually, I'd say for a simple, honest, not-at-all fancy meal, it was a terrific bargain. Our server was prompt, friendly, and efficient. The table, floor, and ladies' room were all immaculate. But most importantly: the food was genuinely good.

Todd ordered a brisket and chicken dinner, which arrived complete with a cornbread muffin, a small ear of corn, and choice of two sides - he chose the amazingly sweet (too sweet for my palate) and buttery yams and the spiced green beans (which were the only thing we were served that I thought was bad - they were limp and not very tasty). But the real superstar was the meat. The brisket was beautifully seasoned and sauced, cut-with-a-fork tender, and not at all gristle-y or fatty. All tasty, soft, edible. The chicken was just as nice.

For me, as my appetite is smaller, I ordered what has to be the most adorable thing on the menu: 5 little slider-sized sandwiches, each filled with a different little taste of a barbeque meat offering. I will confess that I enjoyed the spicy sausage the most, although it is a bit greasy. There were also little samplings of chicken, pork, brisket, and I forget the last one... or maybe there were only 4. The point, dear friends, is this: they were good! My one critique, if this is even a real negative, is that I found the little buns my babywiches arrived on to be too soft and potato-ish and too buttery-tasting for me. I think most people would find them delicious.

Oh, and just about everything on the menu comes with their special spicy pickle chips. Ordinarily, I do not like southern-style pickles since I find them to be too sweet, and I do not like pickles presented in a chip format since they're often not crisp. But, Dave, I can see why you're famous, because even the pickle chips were good. They were cold, crisp, and very tasty with a bit of sweetness that was tempered by the combination of vinegary acidity and a spicy bite of heat. After I downed all of mine, I ate most of Todd's. Those pickles are green gobs of joy.

Each of the branded sauces was special, had a reasonable amount of well-balanced heat (except, sadly, for their supposedly fire-hot XXHELLXX burn-yinz-mouf-down version, which I did not find particularly hot. Todd did. Then again, I put siracha on cucumbers as a salad. Incidentally, if you haven't tried cukes (cut a seedless or "Japanese" cucumber paper-thin with a mandoline) that way, you should, with a bit of kosher salt and a tiny chiffonade of fresh mint and fresh lime juice if you've got it). I tasted each one alone thought that they were all good, but I did find that for a nice balance of sweet, salty, acid, roastiness, and heat, the Famous Dave's eponymous classic sauce would be hard to beat. It was way tasty, I like it better than the stuff I have in my fridge. Feel free to send me some as a gift.

I was too full to eat all of the cuteburgers, but Todd ravenously devoured his entire meal (and the portion sizes were very generous!) and ordered dessert. If you are a sweets person (and as you know, I do not pretend to be one, so I know that I am hard on desserts), this dessert is for you: pecan-praline bread pudding with vanilla icecream. It was HUGE. So huge, that despite my usual two bites, and Todd's typically superhuman capacity for snacks, we left more than half of it on the table. I think one would feed a sugarjunkied family of four. Dang, that thing was sweet. But it smelled amazing, and had a rich flavor. It was too sweet for me (did I mention that it was stickily, toothrottingly sweet?), I admit, and I would have enjoyed it more, perhaps, if the bread pudding had been lightly smoked and caramelized on the grill or served with a shot of espresso. But even the icecream was of high quality (not that strangely yellow over-crystallized cheap catering-quality mass produced crap I would have expected), with a rich creamy texture and full, natural vanilla flavor.

So, if you find yourself in the vicinity of a Famous Dave's and you want something well-prepared, unpretentious, and flavorful to eat, I'd say to go for it. This is probably the best chain-style vests-with-flair kind of place I've ever tried.

Even if you buy into that Bambi line, you won't be forced into silence with this one. Yum Yum.

P.S. I forgot to mention the baked beans, which I chose for the side to my bbq-munchkins. They're far from vegetarian - there were huge honkin' pieces of pork in there - but they were delicious. The beans weren't overcooked or mushy at all, the sauce was thick and tasty, and the flavor was smoky, sweet, savory, and well balanced. And the beans were clearly well prepared, as they did not leave me feeling at all musical later.